“Every woman deserves to have a doula that wants one.”

“I love birthing energy because it has so much hope, purpose and meaning.  Feelings of worthlessness, social withdrawal, lack of hope and loss of interest are infrequent in pregnant women.  It is a hopeful healthy population.”

These are quotes by Ilana Stein.

Ilana Stein; mother of 3, labor support doula, childbirth educator, co-founder of the Metropolitan Doula Group (an educational support group for doulas), Certified Hypnobirthing Instructor, DONA Approved Doula Trainer, Director, BirthFocus, LLC, recipient of the 2007 Penny Simkin Award for Doula Spirit and Mentoring (DONA International) and a pioneer in the birthing community since 1983.

I met Ilana in 1998 at a doula-training workshop. I thought doula work would be a good adjunct to my massage career. I was fortunate to apprentice with Ilana and did not quite realize what I was in for.

I saw first hand how valuable it is for a birthing woman to have someone who understands, who listens and is completely focused. Ilana was on the scene, she was non-intrusive and she made a difference at every birth she attended. 

As I grew to know and work with Ilana, I saw a strength, a power and a force that inspired and motivated me as well as many women and has influenced much of my life and my career.

She answered the “Ask a Doula” questions on the Childbirth.org website and was a La Leche League leader. She traveled across the country teaching workshops to women who came into her classes wide-eyed and curious and who left grounded, empowered and ready to support birth. She wrote articles, was a guest speaker at New York University and was interviewed on WNYC’s Brian Lehrer show.

By forming the Metropolitan Doula Group, Ilana created a support system where new doulas, experienced doulas and anyone interested in birth sat in a circle, shared stories, accomplishments, disappointments, fears and successes. She facilitated the meetings with grace, power, spirit and professionalism. The group grew; the impact was enormous to the birthing community. Doula started to become a household word.

She worked and developed relationships with the medical establishment and helped to make doulas an acceptable part of the medical team. Ilana worked tirelessly to promote labor support to hospitals, doctors and she honored the midwives, whose model of care was “the most valuable asset that birthing women have today”. 

Her mission and goal was to educate everyone about doulas and that birth is something to be honored and treated with respect and integrity. Ilana’s energy for birth seemed endless.

She created Birthfocus with the intention of establishing a hospital based doula program, allowing women to have more access to doulas and to meet them collectively in a supported and professional environment.  Her role was to mentor the doulas that she trained as they went into the field and worked with the many woman now seeking support.

Ilana’s next mission was to become a registered nurse. She felt that by teaching nurses women--whether they knew to ask for it or not--would have the emotional and spiritual support they so critically need during labor and is so lost in the current medical model.

In the midst of her studies, Ilana was stricken with ovarian cancer. She passed away this last year after a 4-year battle. During her illness, she continued to teach about the power of support as she accepted the support she now needed and faced her disease with courage and strength. She continually shared her very personal journey with us, showing us that community can empower us in all facets of life and death and can be extraordinarily powerful.

When accolades, awards, and monuments were suggested to honor her, she said, “A plaque is stupid, I want the work that I have done for so many years to continue, and I won’t be here to see a plaque, use the money to train doulas”. 

As her close friend for 10 years, I think that statement pretty much sums up Ilana Stein. Her life was about teaching and embracing the power of birth and its impact on each living soul.

It is my hope and my commitment to Ilana that the work that she so strongly cherished continue and that “every woman has a doula that wants one”

Meg Darnell, LMT

Co-Founder of the Metropolitan Doula Group

Dean of Alumni and Student Services

Swedish Institute